Hands to Heaven
by Beckon
Summary: A part of her refused to acknowledge how he changed; that part of her refused to hate him. R&R.


**A/N: Partly inspired by the song Hands to Heaven by Breath. Unohana/Tousen.**

_"I used to pray that we would be together again someday."_

It was her job to oversee anyone and everyone who walked into her Division House.

She loved to see him.

But she hated it when he walked through those doors.

The thought of physical harm on him was an uneasy one but just like her, he had his Captain duties to fulfill; if that meant risking and giving his life for Soul Society, then so be it. That's what they were there for. Being a Captain was an honorable rank, but it was also a dangerous one.

While she took it upon herself to personally heal him, it was always hard to touch at every injury that plagued his smooth flesh; it was hard for her to imagine him being in pain. He always just shrugged it off and teased that she really did act like the 'Captain Mom' to everyone; she always replied that maybe he just got injured on purpose so he would have a reason to see her. That's when he would use those warm hands to pull her forward; wrapping those strong arms around her nimble body. She always made a smooth transition and used her lips to heal him instead.

_"He always had a way to cure my restlessness."_

Early in the mornings, she enjoyed taking a short walk around the different Division houses; taking in the solace and silence of the still dew-covered surroundings. Often times, sometimes accidental no matter how much he teased her about it, she found herself walking by the large practice fields of the Ninth Division; watching as he took the silence and solitude of the morning to get a few extra hours of training in. As much as she refused to admit it, she enjoyed stopping to watch that nimble body of his twist and flex into each new move. His Captain's jacket had been hung aside and the usual Shinigami uniform had been replaced by a similar-looking one, minus the sleeves; white bandages were wrapped around his chiseled biceps and shoulders, revealing the thick muscles underneath his dark flesh.

"You're all the more welcomed to join, Retsu."

He always had a way of catching her off-guard, or rather, catch her staring. "I'm a non-combative unit, Kaname." she would simply chuckle. "You know that. Although I must admit, I do love to watch."

"You must be one of those people who can touch with their eyes."

"And you can see with your hands."

_"I don't know where the strength came from that day…when he left us."_

She didn't hate him.

She couldn't.

As much as it pained her to see him standing side by side with those two other traitors…she couldn't label him as such. There had to have been some kind of mistake. Aizen had to be behind it, maybe even Gin but… not him…dear God, not him too. Every Captain and Lieutenant, and any other available Shinigami, had their swords drawn on them and yet all she could do was sit there and stare from a distance. She watched as they started to leave and right at that last second, he turned to look back at her.

There was no hate between them.

No hurt.

Only questions.

_"…when he left me."_

He still looked the same.

It didn't matter whose side he was on now or whose color he wore…he still looked the same to her. He was still the same man and somewhere hidden underneath those cloths of white, he was still that Captain; the same one she had came to nurture and love.

Why?

Why Kaname?

She wanted to so badly ask him that question but it was impossible. Whenever she thought about him, it felt like her entire body froze together. Just to see him one more time…that was all she wanted.

And when the time came for them to enter that forbidden dimension, Hueco Mundo, she wanted to take advantage of it; to finally confront him. But she had been sent to heal and rescue the wounded, and as the fourth Division Captain, she would do all in her power to help. And yet, the entire time there, she could almost feel his eyes on her; watching her every move as she moved from wounded to wounded. But every time she looked around her, no one else was there but her own Division members.

_"A part of me disappeared…"_

When she first stepped out of the Garganta, the first thing she saw was Aizen; the last person she wanted to peer upon. Gin was standing off in the background, apparently watching the on-going battles. For a moment, she hoped to catch a glimpse of him, of Kaname, but she couldn't spot him anywhere; she couldn't even catch the slightest spike of his energy.

Her mind remained busy as she hurried from injured to injured once more; trying to keep their spirits high and keep them from losing consciousness on her. She moved to those of the worst injuries first; managing to stumble upon Komamura. The much larger Captain suffered from a massive hole blown in his chest. She didn't ask questions; her mind too preset on healing first.

"Captain Unohana…"

"Careful Captain Komamura, I don't want you exhausting yourself."

Those deep eyes of his rested against her own. "I'm sorry."

It only took a light shake of his head for her to finally connect the pieces. She couldn't see him or find him or even sense him because…he wasn't there…not anymore.

He was gone.

She didn't get a chance to ask him why.

She didn't get a chance to see him one last time.

She didn't get a chance to even say goodbye…

_"Goodbye Kaname." _


End file.
